A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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The opposing forces behind all human beings is not light vs darkness, not good vs evil, but fear vs ' love. Whatever is overwhelmingly good for one person, is evil to many. Overwhelming darkness wont allow you to see. Overwhelming light will make you blind. You can never fear overwhelming love. You can never love overwhelming fear. These are the true polar opposites, part of all emotion that drive the human being.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there. Just kidding because today brought terminal cancer.

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My uncle told me that slow and steady wins the race. He died in a fire.

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Roses are red Bob is dead My name is Dave Your a microwave

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what did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware river? Get in the boat.

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Why was 7 afraid of 6? It saw what 6 and 9 do when they're together.

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god sent down his only son, " his only son." so in gods eyes we are a bunch of girls.

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What's the difference between and train carriage and a miscarriage? You can't eat a train carriage!

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Its a bird!! Its a plane!! No, its a bird.

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chirs

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How do you cheat your friend up Throw a BRIC at her face.

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Never go into your parents room with a blacklight.. -Ryan Vallee

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what do you call ten white people on a bench ten white people sitting on a bench, possibly eating their lunch

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*Knock knock* "Who's there?" "Would you mind turning your music down a bit please? I have reports to write."

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whats worse than getting caught by a teacher for chewing gum? getting kidnapped by a giant hawk.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Im Black Im Black Who Open The Door Now Pancakes Granted

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How many fairies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

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"My, what big teeth you have!" exclaimed Little Red Riding Hood. "Because I'm a wolf," explained the wolf. "And I dress in women's clothing because it makes me happier."

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Hellen Keller went to town a ridin on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it.. ashhlerthurbujahustar.

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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A blonde takes a math test it says find x? She circles x and puts there it is!

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Why shouldn't you tell a joke during an earthquake. Cause it is not the time nor the place to tell a joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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