Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense!

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What happened when Chuck Norris jumped into the pool? He then got water on him, and later had to dry off.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, your parents are dead they never loved you! I found this one on facebook and i just found this site and all yall got some good jokes LOL

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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What happened to tommy for his birthday ? A new pear of shoes to put on. Tommy feet just got amputated. But it's okay... Tommy got a new comb. Tommy just got cancer. But it's okay tommy got a new pet dog... Tommy is abused by the dog I know what your thinking a dog can't abuse someone it was a cat

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Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

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What's 8 foot tall and can't breathe? Ryan Eisenhour

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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An Asian walks into a bar and says, "1???????????"

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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Jesse gives his mom the stick for breakfast

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what did hitler say when the allies invaded germany i did NAZI that coming

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why cant women draw perfect circles? no one can becouse it is virtually impossible

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What's worse than seeing your grandfather dead on the floor? Seeing your grandmother standing over him with a knife

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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What did the one Brick say to the other Brick? We have the same name.

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roses are red violets are blue i bribed a hobo to eat my poopoo

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Q: Whats 5+5 A:10

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Q: Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife? A: Nethier has he.

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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What did Jesus Christ say to John the Baptist? Nothing. He didn't exist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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