Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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did you know towels can cause dry skin?

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What's funny about water, food, and shelter? Nothing, those are essential necessities to live your life, unless you have chains attached to your ankles with bricks on the other end and you're thrown in the middle of the ocean with no chance what so ever

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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How many morman minutes does it take to get to school? A lightyear

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What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

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What happened to thepeanut who went to NYC? He was assulted

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What did the potato say to the man It said nothing it is a potato

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Hey look, a squirrel!!

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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A horse walks into a barn.. The farmer says "why the long face?",This frightens the horse ultimately leads to the farmer getting kicked in the teeth

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what did the kid with no head get for his birthday? A coffin.

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What's the difference between Tom and Jerry? One is a cat, and the other is a mouse.

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What happened to the boy after his life saving surgery? He died of an unrelated disease.

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What is the difference between an anti-joke and a joke? The word anti before anti-joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens have no sense of direction, he might have thought he was in wal-mart for all I care.

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what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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How do you beat Andy Murry at tennis? KILL HIM!

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what do you use to blindfold chinese person? dental floss!!

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How do you scare a black man? Burn his house down.

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Want to hear a dirty joke? Well... I can't tell you. It's inapropriate.

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Did you hear about the new brand of shovel? Yeah, it's pretty groundbreaking.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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