Q. What's rare, horny, and a myth towards most guys who have never seen one? A. A Unicorn.

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What is white, sticky, and something that gay people and women love? Frosting.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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What rhymes with milk...milf

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

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A chicken crossed the road. It was run over before reaching the other side. by fast asleep

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What is a good remedy for the common cold? A piping hot bowl of chicken-noodle soup.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What do you call a Mexican who steals cars? John Doe, until he's been identified.

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot

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roses are red , violets are blue i love bernard he loves me too if you take him from my place i'll smash my fist in your face.

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you are looking on the internet someone falls over and i were shoes and chips prevent world war 2

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What do you call a dolphin without a head? Dead.

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I have read and agreed to the Terms of Service

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roses are red violets are black,why is your chest as flat as your back :O

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Why would Maria not have sex with Liam? Because she is Danish and doesn't shave and therefore is self-conscious

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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What is yellow, and cannot swim? A School Bus.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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I'm so stupid that I'm posting on Anti Jokes!

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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