An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have some pints then leave to do their respective tasks for the day.

Your mama's so fat, that she died of diabetes

a rabbi and a priest walk into a wall

What did the doctor say to the seriously ill patient? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

What did the boy say to his dad when he realized he was gay? Dad, I'm gay.

what did the one girl say to the other girl? i like your shoes.

How many babies can you fit in a bottle? None, a bottle is too small

whats red and hard to eat a brick.

What do you do when a sing is stuck inside your head? Put a gun to your head, and shoot the song to death. It will work. Trust me. Youll never hear the song again. Or anything again.

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What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

a white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy all jump off a building. they all immediately die on impact, later on the news white guy jumps off building.

Knock knock. Who's there? Mike. Oh, come in.

would you rather harry styles my dick have harry styles suck my dick or both of you style on my harry dick?

Hello. my name is Rhys. and i'm the only person who liked this post.

Why did the priest go to jail? He had sexual relations with young boys.

Q:Howd the blind kid find his way home? A:He didnt, he got lost and died of starvation.

Two muffins are in an oven. And by muffins I mean jews. They both die a horrible death.

Q:What did the Hulk say before the bartender refused to serve him further drinks? A: HULK SMASHED! Moral: "THE MORE DRUNK THE HULK GETS! BLURRIER HIS VISION BECOMES! HULK IS THE BLURRIEST THERE IS!"

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because they wouldn't be able to live anywhere else.

Two muffins are cooling on a windowsill. One muffin says to the other "It sure is a beautiful day today." The other muffin says "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

Why couldn't the Jew get pregnant? Because he was man.

A man is mowing the lawn. The mower stops, so he reaches down to see if something's stuck in the blades. What does he pull out? His finger.