Yo momma's so fat she weighs more than the average woman of her age and height

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What do you call a black elephant? An elephant.

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Why didn't Johnny have any food left? Because he ate it all.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The middle one's for you.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm a dog.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? ...Neither have they.

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! :)

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? Because it wasn't a pilot it was a toaster.

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Why was the black guy sad? Because he has a knife through his throat

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Why was the 2-year-old girl found dead in the swamp? Her mom was Casey Anthony.

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How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

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So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

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What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

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What is the difference between you and a brick? A brick gets laid.

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What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? wheres my farmer?

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Why did the Mexican mow lawns? He needed money to pay for his college tuition.

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What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

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Q: When birds fly in a "V", why is one side always longer? A: There is one extra bird on that side

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What's long and black The unemployment line

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What do you say when your hot chocolate is to hot? This hot chocolate is too hot.

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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Where is boots, Dora asks Why the hell are you asking me when your the one who is with him.

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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