Roses are red, Violets are blue, this is stupid, Violets are purple Violets are purple Oranges are orange Nothin' rhymes with orange wait.... DOORHINGE!!!!! -sincerely, That famous Orange on YouTube

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

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Why did the dog have no legs? Because its previous owner had cut them off.

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Did you ever hear about that rich Mexican?? No. Yeah, me neither.

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Where do you guys find all these jokes? Your mom's Vagina

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Optimus Prime: "GIVE ME YOUR FACE!" Shockwave: "Illogical. I have no face." Optimus Prime: "Then GIVE ME YOUR EYE!" *RIPP*

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer

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What is green and red and is going super fast? A frog in a blender.

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What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs are the same.

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Shelly tells Rob to go home... Thats what she said

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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In the North people say "once upon a time." What do people in the South say? "Y'all never gonna believe dis shit!"

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dont be afraid of lard squeezing cause really its just me teasing

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What's worse than finding a dead baby in a trash can? -Finding a dead baby in 5 trash cans

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

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A raptor and a Tyrannosaurus Rex walk into a bar. Everyone runs for their lives as the dinosaurs ate everyone who was too slow.

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Q What did Stevens mum say when he asked to be an astronaut A no your heads too big

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what do u call a gay guy? Marlin Stein and Bryan Carboni

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What does a blond do when she stops at a red light? She gets arrested.

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Q: You know what's really funny? A: A good joke.

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Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. The rest of the bar patrons are thoroughly confused.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Police. She told me she was nineteen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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