A man walks into a bar, and is brutally slaughtered by eight drunk customers.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: One is a person, one is a food.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.It is confused by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Nerochan, it was really nice chatting with you, I hope we can chat some other time... Please tell me why you are upset with me, just pick up the phone, I mean let me know what I did you wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what do you call a a miget crossed with a vampire? A miget, vampires are a figment of you're screwed up imagination.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the dead man say to God? I'm dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

school homewrok

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Joker: Knock knock Batman: Who's there Joker: Not your parents

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Yo mama's so fat, that she died from obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what did the man say to the other man? hey

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I like my coffee the way I like my women.....without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops