A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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interviewer: young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work? Young man: I ought to be able to. I’ve had 12 different jobs in 4 months.

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If you were expecting an antijoke you have come to the wrong place however here is a good recipe for a cake: Ingredients 2-1/2 cups 2% milk 1 cup butter, cubed 8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 3 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt FILLING: 6 tablespoons butter, cubed 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream GANACHE: 10 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream Directions In a large saucepan, cook the milk, butter and chocolate over low heat until melted. Remove from the heat; let stand for 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 325°. In a large bowl, beat eggs and vanilla; stir in chocolate mixture until smooth. Combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt; gradually add to chocolate mixture and mix well (batter will be thin). Transfer to three greased and floured 9-in. round baking pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely. For filling, in a small saucepan, melt butter and chocolate. Stir in confectioners' sugar and cream until smooth. For ganache, place chocolate in a small bowl. In a small saucepan, bring cream just to a boil. Pour over chocolate; whisk until smooth. Cool, stirring occasionally, until ganache reaches a spreading consistency. Place one cake layer on a serving plate; spread with half of the filling. Repeat layers. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread ganache over top and sides of cake. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 16 servings.

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Why did susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms... Why didn't she get up? She didn't have any legs... Why didn't anyone help her? She didn't have any friends. Then she died

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How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

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What's worse than World War II? World War III.

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Why is the sky blue? I don't know I thought you knew

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Raveena Thandhan

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock "Who's there?" Not Sally!

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You Scream, I Scream, The cops come, It's awkward

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says "I have colon cancer."

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What's worse than getting dumped? Heart Failure.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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What do you say to a jew with blood on his leg? Are you okay?

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Q: What cat walks on two feet? A: Garfield Q: What mouse walks on two feet? A: Mickey Mouse Q: What duck walks on two feet? A: Donald Duck? A: No, all ducks you dipshit.

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1657 is a cool number, when a leprachaun sings it sounds like pie drinking an obese penguin (do you know what I mean....) :D

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Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

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why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

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What did the hat say to the scarf? Nothing.

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star wars kid

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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