Your mother is so obese, that when shot with a high velocity round from a handgun, the bullet is unlikely to penetrate the several layers of fat protecting her vital organs, like a fleshy kevlar vest. However, she is likely to die from infection, which is highly commom among gunshot wounds.

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so 3 guys are a plane George W. Bush, a mexican, and a chinese man. the plane is going down because of too much weight they haave to throw things out. The mexcan throws out a suitcase full of tacos and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then the chinese throws out a suitcase full of rice and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then George W. Bush pushes the mexican out and says "we have to enough of these in out country."

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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Why did the Asian woman get into a car accident? She didn't pay attention in driver school and sped through a red light and hit a bus that killed 14 children.

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What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

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hey i just met you,but this is crazy, my name is kony and i just took your baby

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An old man walks into a bar. It was, a metal cylinder, not unlike a short carbon rod, and not the drinking establishment he normally frequents, named O'Malley's Pub and Eatery, which was, in fact, next to the the building with the protruding metal bar. He suffered greater injury than a younger man due to his advanced age and deteriorating health. But he did eventually recover by strictly adhering to his doctor's advice of bed rest, improved diet, and increased, yet moderate, aerobic exercise.

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A man walks into a pizza place and orders a pizza. When he got the pizza, he saw it had pepporonis on it. He liked that, so he ate the pizza.

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Q: Whats red and bad for your teeth? A: a brick

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"Imagine a World Without Free Knowledge" -I'm not imagining, thanks Wikipedia!

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Why is it not safe for turkeys to do maths? Because they don't have the mental capacity to carry out the calculations correctly, which would be a danger in jobs such as engineering or the space industry. Furthermore, they are unable to understand the concept of numbers or symbols and therefore have no motivation to solve mathematical problems; and even if they did, they don't have the dexterity or education to write out the solutions.

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what happens when you put Rihanna and Chris brown in the same room? Rihanna dies

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wanna hear a joke? i dont like kids wanna hear a lie? im typing with two hands wanna hear a another? my hand isnt on my weiner

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Did you hear about the blonde that crashed her car? No. Is she okay?

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why did the kid get in trouble. Because he put this up in typing class -charles hall aka chuckles

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

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Q: Why did the officer stop the black SUV? A: Because it was going way over the speed limit.

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What did the man do with his cat? he threw it in the garbage because he didn't like it

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why was the boys t.v broken? because he through it out the window

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Why do mexicans like tacos? Because tacos are a very well liked food and they happen to taste good

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Q:How many cavemans does it take to screw in a lightbulb A: None there was no electricity back then

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What happens when a man farts a fancy memorial party in a ball room in England... At least 1000 people die somewhere on earth in the time his butt squeezed out that fart. And I'm sure someone gets raped.

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What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

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What did the computer say to his girlfriend? I'm going to RAM you tonight.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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