where did juan go after getting hit by a bus? the ground

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Why can't the children hug his father? Because his father is dead.

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COME HERE, POTTER!!!! NOW!!! Instead of agreeing to approach the source of the rather hostile summoning, Potter decided to sit down and eat a healthy vegetarian lunch of sausages and chips.

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Whats the difference between a black bird and a white bird? Their colour

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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why is six afraid of seven? because seven is a jew!

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How did the plumber fix the leaky faucet? Trick question. The plumber is actually an iguana.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm only 13 so if you have sex with me it's illegal.

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How do Germans treat the Jewish? Kindly, and with much hospitality.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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What do you call a place where all hopes and dreams go to die as this place is contained of depression and the lingering smell of death? www.anti-joke.com

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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What did the black person say to the other black person? Im really white, I just want to fell what its like to be black.

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What do you call a bear in an elevator?...A fire hazard.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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I baked a pie once. Guess what flavor it was. PIE FLAVOR!

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Naw, not now, I don't want to be assimilated, I am a bit of a wuss right now, really tired.

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Q: why does the man like men? A: because he is gay

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Hey i just met you, and this us crazy! Heres some toilet paper, wipe my ass maybe?

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Oracle horacle, you big bloated boracle!

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Q: What would George Washinton do if he was alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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A boy got a dog for his Birthday. The dog would have said happy Birthday but dogs can't speak.

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Why didn't the kid return home after school? He was having a sleep-over with a bunch of his friends. Who all died from a robbery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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