What do you call a fat zombie? Dead

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What Did The Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor.... "Wheres My Tractor"

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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Why did Santa get stuck up a chimney? Because there was a family of possums living up there. They ripped his face off.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What's black and white, and red all over? Old movies that have ketchup on them.

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I was walking down a railway line the other day... I was fined £1000

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whats the difference between a ladybug and a jew? there is none

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and i am too

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your wife has been killed in a car accident.

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Knock Knock Who's there Boo Boo who Boo I'm a ghost atleast act scared

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A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

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If a hen lays an egg in the middle of a roof, which way would it fall? To the east, as there was a brisk wind in that direction.

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A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

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what is black and white and red all over? a group of people of mixed races playing paintball.

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Did you see Stevie wonders house? Neither did he.

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Wife: "I suggest you check properly next time you lose your keys so that you find them quicker" Husband: "I suggest that next time I sit down and have a beer while I wait for Doc Martin and his time machine to give my keys back.

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When life gives you melons, your probably dyslexic.

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What is the street value of Amy Winehouse's ashes? Nothing. They are ashes, not drugs.

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What happens when you give a Parrot a pack of cigarettes? Animal Rights Activists get upset and condemn your actions.

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A couple picks up a hitch-hiker with an ax on the side of the road. The hitch-hiker says "Thank you for the ride."

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Q: 1 out of every 44 presidents can dunk, who is it? A: How the hell am i suppost to know

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Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? DeShawn

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Dont be racist be like mario he is an italian who looks like a mexican speaks english and picks up coins like a jew.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops