A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick.

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A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

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What does a blonde's pussy taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage.

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What is better than winning a gold medal at the parolympic games? Having two legs!

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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What does Steven Hawking and Justin Bieber have in common? Absolutely nothing.

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800 people died last year. end of story

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

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How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

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Q: Why did Steve fall out of the tree A: He was raking the leaves

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A dog walks into a bar, followed by his blind owner.

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How did the fat man survive the plane crash? He didn't, he died like everyone else!

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How do you get a clown off of your property? You ask him politely to get off and if he doesn't, you should contact the authorities immediately.

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Why is the boy lying down on the floor? The chandelier fell on him.

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Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the cupboard cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! No one... pineapples float.

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops