A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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Why couldn't the man lick his elbows? Because it is scientifically proven that over 98% of humans can not lick their elbows.

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Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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What do you call a black man, an asian man, and a white man walking down the street? 3 men walking down the street.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What do you call a blonde who likes to read? A bookworm.

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Father Time and Mother Nature did the nasty, and had a kid called humanity. It had down syndrome. Very sad.

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A guy wants to build his house out of bricks. So, he hires some experts and they build his house with bricks.

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How many People does it take to change a lightbulb? One

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What do you call a group with one Jew and three Germans? Friends

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What do you call someone who is bad at hand eye co-ordination? Dispraxic

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, Wow, I screwed up, Give me head.

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What did the Asian store clerk say to the midget? yay penis

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange? One is a deceased human infant and the other is a delicious citrus fruit.

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A girl cries as she drops a box of uncooked spaghetti noodles, spilling and breaking them onto the floor. She has brittle bone disease.

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Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

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What do you call a monkey lost in a desert? A donkey who was forgotten by his owner.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Adolf Hitler.

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Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! That's a rather strange psychological problem I think you should consult a professional psychologist rather than see me.

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whats worse than getting lost in europe? becoming the middle in the human centipede.

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What do you call a man with no legs and no arms on your doorstep? Matt

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Q: Whats the first thing you see when you wake up? A: I don't know.

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spell backwards: taco cat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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