What did the fat man say when he saw the giant twinky on the billboard? I wish that twinky was real, because I am too poor to pay my bills, am getting audited, and cannot feed my four children on minimum wage.

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How do you starve a black man? You deny his foodstamps ~Katie&Lena&Shelbey(:

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Ludwig van Beethoven, John Coltrane, John Lennon, and Justin Bieber are out for lunch at a taco stand. The owner calls the police, and Justin Bieber is arrested for digging up corpses.

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A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

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Two Canadian men are sitting in a room. Man 1: Do you know what happens when you shoot a wolverine? Man 2: No. Man 1: It absorbs the bullets, duh. The second man proceeds to go outside with a gun. He returns in a few minutes. Man 1: What did you do with that gun? Man 2: I shot a wolverine. Man 1: What happened? Man 2: It fell over and died. I think you watch too much X-Men.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? Ask her.

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what did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Grggglgluglguggarglegerrrllggglge"

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What's worse than dieing? Not much.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

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What's the difference between Jews and pizza? One is an adherent to the religion of Judaism, and the other is a doughy bread topped with tomato sauce and cheese. They share virtually no similarities.

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Roses are read, Violets are blue, I have aids, now so do you

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What did the dead baby say to horse? Nothing, it was dead

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

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What do you call a spoiled black daughter? Tiana (Disney Princess)

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

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Two homosexuals are making love in the kitchen. One leaves for a bit and says, "Dont finish without me." Upon returning, white goo is spattered across the floor. Concerned that the clumsily dropped icing may stain, they promptly clean it.

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Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

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A homophobic man walks into a bar and the bartender asks: "what can I get for ya" the man replies: "whisky."

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Q: What do you get when you mix root beer with a cloud? A: Nothing, you idiot.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple this joke.

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Why did the sloth swing from the tree? It hung itself.

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Q: what is the most confusing day in the ghetto? A: fathers Day

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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