Your mom is so fat that her every day life if a struggle and she has to get gastric bypass surgery or else she is going to die

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's black and white all over and has a mouth? A Zebra

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red Violets are blue Theres a crazy ass alpaca ready to take a shit on you

thumb_up thumb_down -12

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats the differnece between a bag of dead babies and a ferarri? nothing ill never have either

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

thumb_up thumb_down -12

If my wife has got 6 oranges in one hand and 6 apples in the other hand, what has she got? No chance of stopping an uppercut.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats funny about a guinea pig water skiing? The part where he explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i have no friends actually now i fell bad ... anybody spare money for the bus ahhhhhhh kill me now

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a mug of beer and a washcloth.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what did the woman call the man who ate Ham? A Pig

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what's bloody and sweet? A squashed mosquito sprinkled with sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Roses are red violets are green i can't rhyme bridge

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the bald man lose his hair no not cancer obviously AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Theres a girl you like, and a you are playing football with friends. You see the girl about to get hit by the ball, but you catch it. She says "Your a life-saver" and hugs you "You scream touchdown!!!" to impress her, you spike the ball on the ground and it hits her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

snowglobe

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a blond readhead and a brunnett were driving to Miami, they saw a sign for next exit Miami, turned off the exit went to the beach did some shopping and all had a great time together.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

If you go to America, you won't see any fat black people. They're all dead and in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the fan of Justin Beiber say? Nothing there are no fans.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Once there was a girl named Andrea

thumb_up thumb_down -12

And the guy who played Trapper John on MASH wins the coveted 'Last Famous TV Person to Die in 2015' award!!! Woooooooo!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops