- Anti Joke

What's been hit millions of times? A woman married to an abusive husband.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was hit by a fridge halfway through walking.

why was the boy sad He was just abused by his parents and had aids

Chuck Norris shaves with his fists. That's why he still has a beard.

Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? Because she had no arms. Knock, Knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

What did the 12 year old boy get for Christmas? Herpes

how man

Ask me if I'm well Are you well? No

(Knock knock) A:who is it? B:its the police open up where coming in B:I SAID OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR A:(SHIT)

Why did the white girl lose the race? The girl that she was beating was black and her boy shot her. Therefore the black girl won.

A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

I love you Itachi Uchiha, please let me lick ice cream off of your body and oh crap you're an anime character and not real never mind

How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

What happened when Chuck Norris jumped into the pool? He then got water on him, and later had to dry off.

What is yellow, and cannot swim? A School Bus.

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

person 1: Do you have a christmas necklace I could borrow for a party? person 2: I have a one with a leprechaun.

Knock Know Who's there? Not your dog, he just got run over.

Your mom is so fat, that last night after reading and edition of Cosmo, she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep due to her inability to live up to such an unrealistic feminine stereotype.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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