How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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How do get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

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Your momma;s so fat she stepped on the scale and said one at a time please!

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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What you call it when 8 goes over 4? An improper fraction.

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what did the grandma do after she was pushing up daisies? washed her hands because gardening is a dirty activity

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ben, you just called me. Aren't we supposed to go jogging. Oh yea, I lost track of time. Is it cold out? Yea it is. You should bring a jacket. Alright, can you get me a water? Yea, no problem. Thankyou.

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Why did the man fall off of his bike? Because he is a Sikh who was mistaken for a muslim after the events of 9/11. His neighbors for 5 years have turned on him and now are throwing rocks at him to alleviate their anger while he is biking to his minimum wage job as a janitor at the local burger king, trying to make money for a family that doesn't love him anymore

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party. Joey: Yeah, but for a one year old. What's the point? The other day, she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow. And the cow says...."Elmoooo!" Joey: *starts to laugh* Yeah...that's a funny cup.

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A man was arguing with his wife over the phone at a trainstation. She threatened to leave him he did not stop his physical abuse. The man became so mad he hung up the phone. He then noticed a blind man was grinning at the overheard discussion. The husband walked over and pushed the blind man on the tracks. He died

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have herpes now you do too.

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this new cologne, it's kind of gross smelling.

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A man noticed that the sun was coming in brightly through his window. He was trying to take a nap and didnt appreciate the sunlight. He closed the blinds.

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What do you do i a stranger offers you candy? Make sure its not stale then jump in his van.

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what's worse than the holocaust? nothing.

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Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

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Q: Why was the man wet? A: I push him in a pool.

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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A naked man walks into a bar and is promptly arrested for indecent exposure.

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Why did the boy fail his math test? Because his Mother threw a refrigerator at him.

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how many flys in a box six --sticksack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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