A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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make me a sandwich! what kind?

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Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

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knock knock go away

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

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What did the rug say to the floor? I got you covered

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Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

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What is worse then falling into a lava pit? Nothing you idiot.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, and died of cancer

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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What's the difference between a lamp?

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? hit him in the head with an axe

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So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

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Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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