How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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What did the fat man say when he saw the giant twinky on the billboard? I wish that twinky was real, because I am too poor to pay my bills, am getting audited, and cannot feed my four children on minimum wage.

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Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why was the mother sad? her sons school was bombed by terrorists. there we no survivors

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What did the cancer patient say before they died? I am in so much pain. I love you all

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Stat1st1cs sh0w 0ne 1n f1ve pe0ple d0n't understand b1nary

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Why is the black guy jobless? He's 3 years old.

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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what do u call an elephant in a car? nothing elephants cant fit in cars

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You want to hear a joke? Republican

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing

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A man walked into a bar and a knife seventeen times.

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What's one plus one? two.

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what do you say to a woman on her rags? nothing.try and ignore it.you didn't hear this from me and we never talked.

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Whats worse than stubbing your toe? Sandy hook

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Girl fight: Teachers take them to dq Boy fight: Lunch and recess in the library.

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roses are grey violets are grey either i am a dog or i am color blind i cant tell im deaf go die in a hole

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Things to do get an A on my test win my hockey game become immortal well that escalated quickly

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every man comes from between a women's legs for the rest of their lives they try to get back in

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What did one jobless cancer cell say to the other? Lets go get Jobs.

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well he graduated in four years with a degree in chemical engineering. He worked hard all four years in order to keep his scholarship to the university. Now he leads a very successful life and lives in a large house with his wife and two children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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