who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the... Timmy, your mother and I are both tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What looks like a black book but is actually white? I don't know because it can't look like a black book if it's white.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but the real question is why there are two flies having sex inside a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Have you ever had Ugandan food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the schoolgirl say to some of the people of Anti-Joke.com? You're sick. Stop talking about the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A horse walks into a bar. Realizing the severity of the situation, the bartender heads toward the exit... stumbling over a chair.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The black man is alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are der Violets are eulb I am dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dementia.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was Little Billy crying? He had cancer. Why was Little Sally crying? Little Billy's cancer was contagious.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the black man say before he went to sleep? im going to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Whats about two feet in width and length with purple veins throbbing at the sides? A: A midget slowly dying of frostbite

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Wanna buy some meth.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, But ravens are black, Please go to China, and never come back!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road Who the f*** let out the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops