What should you do when you're constipated? Poop.

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Cyrus: Can you dig it?! Phil: I can feel it calling in the air tonite……..oh lord

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A child walks into a bar. I swear those jungle gyms are too short.

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what did the duck say to the other duck Quack

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Why was the black man running down the street with a suitcase? He was late for work.

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What do you say to a blind man in a sunglasses store? Nothing. Why do you feel the need to bother strangers while you needlessly shop at your local merchandise outlet?

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What's big with fat all over it? Your mom on this dick

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what did one worm say to the other worm? nothing. worms are incapable of speaking.

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Why did the man launch his rocket into the sun? He didn't. Overcoming the sun's orbital pull would require your rocket to travel ~7,400,000 mph, which is a velocity that is impossible for today's rockets to reach.

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Your so stupid that when during your baseball game your third base coach told you to run home, you did. The next day, you failed your test.

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Why did the Smartie get fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out all the W&Ws

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How do you get a blonde out of a tree? Shoot her in the head.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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What do Justin Bieber and Eminem have in common? They both need to get a life. I lied about Eminem.

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roses are blue violets are red heres a gun now your dead

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One spooky halloween night, three lonely outcasts walk down a dark street, no longer begging for candy. A cold wind blows through the night air and something rustles in a nearby bush one kid walks over to the bush and picks up his dog "OH THERE YOU ARE, BUDDY!"

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Yo momma's so hot I raped her and slit her throat afterwards and hid her body in a ditch.

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What do you get when you drink water? Piss.

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What did taxi driver say to the passenger? Where to, sir?

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What is one similarity between John Samos, and the dreadful clown? they have a red nose and are payed to be funny, aside from John Samos!

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What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Xiao Kaan Xiao kaan who? Fu*k you ugly lauuhhh

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Hey i heard You were a wierd kid ooooooooooalskdfjaslkdfj

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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