How did the plumber fix the leaky faucet? Trick question. The plumber is actually an iguana.

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What did the Watermelon say to its baby? I'll SEED you later!

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Why can't the children hug his father? Because his father is dead.

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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why is six afraid of seven? because seven is a jew!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black.

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What do you call a place where all hopes and dreams go to die as this place is contained of depression and the lingering smell of death? www.anti-joke.com

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why did the baby cross the road? he was stapled to the chicken

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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Roses are red Violets are baskets This joke makes no sence... ... boobs

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Yo mama's so fat, I gave her a compliment because we should embrace body acceptance.

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What's worse than cutting yourself? Deadly tornadeos.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a bear in an elevator?...A fire hazard.

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bill goes to the room.. why? to fing a broom riddle boz full of burtiouse.

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from south park what do u call a jew on a rope no one ever said the answer, so my answer is a jew on a rope.

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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What did the black person say to the other black person? Im really white, I just want to fell what its like to be black.

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Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

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Q: What would George Washinton do if he was alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Q: why does the man like men? A: because he is gay

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Well, its allright then, just tired that is all, leave it be, I mean what if your wife sees it? What will she think?

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A boy got a dog for his Birthday. The dog would have said happy Birthday but dogs can't speak.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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