What's sweet and tastes like candy? Candy, now get in the van.

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What's a Democrat's favorite activity? Blaming Republicans for shit they didn't do.

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Thanks I guess, I do look a lot like that anime, except my eyes are not giant and I got lips and you know about everything else is different, besides I wear blue or brown contact lenses Ohh, and in case you had not already noticed, I dye my hair brown, believe me, there is enough red in me to go around already... Nero huh? Angelo Nero? So what kind of sick parents did you really have, or do you have? This is weird, you suddenly got even more interesting Nero.

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What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

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What has many legs, but can't walk? A dead spider.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? I don't know, he couldn't open the presents.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What's big and green and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

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What happens if you drop a baby of a cliff It dies

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What do you do when you see a plumbers crack. Tell him he has another crack to fill

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Guy 1: Why does it smell like a wet dog? Guy 2: Because I smell like a wet dog

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How do you get a little kid out of a tree Throw a jar of foreskin at him

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Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

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what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? when people don't understand the concept of anti-jokes and post real jokes

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What does a salmon and a falcon have in common They both live underwater except for the falcon.

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Q: What did Albert Einstein say to Adolf Hitler? A: They never talked. And if Albert Einstein did say something to Adolf Hitler, he would have died first.

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What do you get when you rub 2 redheads together? Fire.

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What's black when its clean and white when its dirty? A black guy that rolls in flour.

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How many blondes does it take to walk into a bar? One I guess. I don't know if I understand the question.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend? My girlfriend is alive and 19 years older.

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what do you call a man with a bullet hole in his leg? A man who needs t see a doctor.

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Q-how many dead babies does it take to paint your geradge door? A-one if you throw it hard enough

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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