Friends, they're like food. If you eat them, they die.

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A cat walks into a Chinese restaurant. It is then asked to leave.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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Your mother is so fat she has to have her clothing specially ordered, this brought her to a massive credit card bill and made your entire family bankrupt.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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your face

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What's black an white and red all over? Two dead babies, one African American and one Caucasian split in half by a chainsaw.

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your mum

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I can't remember. I have amnesia from when I was hit by a bus as a child.

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Q:what is long ,black and red but smells like poo.? A:poo from someone dying of bowel cancer.!

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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How do you catch a predator? You throw a beartrap at a child.

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(A man goes to visit his neighbor) Knock! Knock! ...................... ................... ................ ............ he walks back home

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What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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how long does it take chuck norris to watch a 24 hour video 24 hours

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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Your mom's so fat... she probably needs to go on some sort of diet to avoid a serious heart condition and inevetible death

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Roses are red, Violets are too. I'm colour blind, It's a very depressing infliction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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