There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Two friends sit down to dinner, the third is late so they eat him

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What do you call Jake Morter? Jake Morter

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hey i jut met u, and i have alzeihmer, cheese and toast

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? Because she was dead.

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What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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What happens when two black people go into a store with masks on? They buy candy for Trick-or-Treating

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My great grandfather died in a concentration camp. The poor guy fell off the guard tower.

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How do you blindfold an asian? With a blindfold.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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why did the asian kid do well on his math test because he studied

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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What do you call a bird that can't fly? an ostrich

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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I want to name my dog Syndrome. Then, when I teach him to sit, I can say "Down, Syndrome!"

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Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

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The number 69 is? Just a plain old number that has just as much meaning as 68 and 70.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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Knock knock who's there Betty Betty who?` ` my grandmother who passed away 2 years ago dont talk about her that was

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A horse walks into a bar the bartender says to the horse y the long face the horse is unable to speak English, shits on the floor than leaves.

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What is Mary short for? She has no legs.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is a terrorist.

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oh, brown loaf is fine, i'm on my bike.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops