Why did the teacher ask her student about the test? Because she was in the hospital the day of the test because her husband was hit by a rail road spike and died but she was so devoted to her job she wanted to know.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Max

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the duck walked in the bar then he walded away

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The dog, Marley from Marley and Me. It died.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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What do an airplane and a strawberry have in common? They can both fly.... Except for the strawberry

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he's stupid.

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An old lady says, "Oh i see now." The guy standing next to her says, " Honey oyu know im blind right?"

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What do you get when you cross Skyrim and Call of Duty? A video game that has similarities to Skyrim and Call of Duty.

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wheres an unexpected place to find sand? a human pancreas.

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What's dark, has an opening, and guys like to go in it. A cave

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Yo mumma so poor that she dosent have any money

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What did the mentaly handycap kid get for christmas. A Bop-It

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you will like this because i am black.

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A bison trots into a bar. The bartender says, "My pee makes bubbles in the toilet." Amazed by the urination fact, the bison explodes.

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Why did the black man go to Jail? He was visiting his friend!

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What did the racist white guy say to the black guy? "I don't like Asians."

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Amanda Knox walks home free.

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

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Stop Iran! We need the money.

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Why did the train stop? - It was surrounded by elephants

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Q: What is white, and comes out of a woman? A: No, milk you perve

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WNBA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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