A baby is cold and won't drink it's milk It's dead

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How do you get 50 Babies into a phone booth? A blender How do you get them out? Doritos

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If your fighting an octopus on mars how many lamps does it take to repair a dog house? Nine because a toaster cannot ride a bicycle.

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I swear to god it wasnt me Dont swear to go its a sin !

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Q) What is black, white, and red all over? A) A zebra that just became the kill of a hungry carnivore

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Mommy, Mommy, I don't like Daddy! Well leave him on the side of the plate and eat your peas instead!

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Bare with me here, im gonna change this up a bit What's better then finding a worm in your apple

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What did the prizon cell mate get for christmas. Herpes!

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A man with his masters degree, has a great job, and gets good money. Has a wife and kids. He is very successful.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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I once met a giraffe, It needed a bath, When I turned on the water, It started to swim, Because it was actually a fish.

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You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

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Q: How do you drown a black guy? A: Hold his head underwater and sit on his back.

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Jeff

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue You wouldn't know that Cause you're a dog.

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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? A: I'm sorry. I was raised in an abusive home and I never learned how to properly express my emotions. I'm going to seek professional counseling but in the meantime we should end our relationship for your safety.

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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TOP KEK

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scraggle is in you pillow case

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what's the worst part about owning a prius? telling your parents you're gay

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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