What do Helen Keller and Beethoven have in common? They both died wondering what the hell their last words were.

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antijoke is the best website.

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Q: What's the difference between a polar bear and a washing machine? A: Many things.

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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A Jew ran into a wall with a boner. He broke his nose first.

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Whats red and tastes like parsley? Not Red Parsley

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at checkers? Cause he's dead.

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Why is the chicken afraid of the tiger? Chickens are inferrior to tigers and could easily be eaten.

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Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

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Why didn't Johns book get published? He had dyslexia.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A godless abomination that violates every ethical standard known to man.

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Where do you find a dead hooker? where you left her.

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Q: What did the boy with cancer get for Christmas? A: He died on Christmas Day, before his parents could tell him they had maxed out their credit cards to take him to Disney World. His father has since relapsed into alcoholism. He knows his wife is cheating on him with another man, but understands that she needs comfort that he cannot give her.

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Is your refrigerator running? I heard there was a power outage in your area.

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What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and legs? Simply a pillow

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How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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One day a boy asks his teacher what blue velvet is then the teacher says "we don't ask questions like that in my class go to principal's office now"so the boy goes to the principal's office and then the boy asks "what is blue velvet"then the principal says"no one says that in my school get out" so the boy goes home and asks his mom what is blue velvet then his mom says you don't say stuff like that in my house get out!so the boy see's the Mayer. So the boy asks the Mayer what blue velvet is then the Mayer says no one says that in my town get out of my town! So the boy see's a man and the boy goes to the man and the man asks what happend to you and the boy says well I got kicked out of school kicked out of my house and got thrown out of town just because i asked what blue velvet is! So the man tells the boy that there is a lady across the street. So the boy is in the road and then the boy gets ran over and dies. So the lesson here is look both ways before crossing a street

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knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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