Wanna hear a joke? It's here somewhere You looked :D There ain't jokes on Antijoke.com

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An alcoholic walks into a bar.... I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a prostitute.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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a horse walks into a bar. the barman asks "why the long face". not understanding human language, the horse takes a shit, neighs then leaves

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Cry me a river. Then build a bridge and become a structural engineer.

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There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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How can you make a Russian happy? Giving him two tickets for him and his wife to Disneyworld.

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Why can't helen keller drive a car? Because she is a woman

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. It is an avian species incapable of throwing such a heavy material as wood.

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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What do you call a man will dementia who just killed his cousins, wife, children, and teacher. His name. He's still a man until he's put in a mental institution.

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Q: What's the difference between Osama's death and Paris Hilton's bra? A: One is Osama's death and the other is Paris Hilton's bra.

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Q. What do mummies do when they run out of toilet paper? A. Nothing - they're dead and inanimate.

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How do you kill Justin Beiber? By stabbing him 38 times in the chest.

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Rarity: "So, what is that splendid frock of yours saying?" Maud Pie: "It doesn't talk. It's a dress."

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Your mamma's so fat she has diabetes and may die because she may not be able to loose enough weight to keep her blood sugar at a regulated number.

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What do you get when you throw a bagel at a chicken? One less bagel.

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Why are Mexicans so good at jumping, swimming and running? They aren't. You're just racist.

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A gay man kisses a gay man and therefore is considered gay.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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why did the supermodel have sex with the janitor? she loved him. and he was brad pitt.

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Why did Johnny close the door on Sally's face? Because Johnny is a dick.

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whats better than 7 babies in one trash can 1 baby in 7 trash cans

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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