A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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2 people lived next door to each other. The man said "hi" and so did the other man. What is wrong with this situation. Nothing, just friendly neighbors.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because blind people aren't allowed to drive in the United States.

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What did the girl say in her French lesson? Miss, I don't get it, its in a different language.

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There once was an old man. He had worked hard his whole life to make sure his children got everything they needed, and that they were always happy. He had a beautiul life and a great big house with a marvelous view of the ocean. In time his kids moved away, and his wife died. The old man was left all by himself in the great big house, and sometimes the emptiness of the house reminded him of the emptiness of his own heart. He very seldom cried though, and kept all of his emotions inside. One day it all became to much for him and he took his own life in the silence of his great big empty house. I was that ocean.

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What do you call a white sheep with no legs? A cloud What do you call a black sheep with no legs? A shit.

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what did the girl say when she lost her shoe where is my shoe

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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A Christian and an atheist are in a bar. Neither one knows the other's religion and they continue to drink.

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I hate rhyming Penis

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A kid walks into a bar. He leaves wasted.

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the redsox

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Mary had a little lamb, its heart was black as coal, it crept into her room one night and ate her f***ing soul

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What is the difference between a pig and a crow? One is a animal that Is butchered to be eaten as a wonderful meat product. And the other is a pretentious asshole bird that no one likes.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house. knock knock..... who's there? the chicken

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Hi I'm makena. I'm a cynical asshole

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What's worse than seeing Charlie sheen in a Turkish bath house? Watching the direct tv commercial for the 100th time today

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The The Who? The Beatles!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, So what is the colour violet for?

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You know what the Germans have to say about problems? For every problem there is a final solution.

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What do you call a Jew in the oven? The oven repair man

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A Chinese man... pulling another Chinese man in one of those carts behind him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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