What do Justin Bieber and Eminem have in common? They both need to get a life. I lied about Eminem.

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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What do you hear when the world trade center collapsed?, no seriously I wasn't even three yet.

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How many kleptomaniacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What lightbulb?

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I man walks into a bar. He drinks four beers, gives the bartender his keys, and takes a cab home. The next day he gets his best friend to drop him off at the bar, picks up his car, and is three minutes early to work.

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Why did the man get a DUI? Because he was driving under the influence.

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Why did it look like the girl peed herself? Because she peed herself

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What does the fox say? A scream-y howl. A shrill, hoarse scream of anguish, it sounds more than anything like a human baby undergoing some kind of physical torture.

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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A baby boy and a baby girl are much alike they both taste good

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What's yellow and shouldnt be in this country. The asian girl in my economics class

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Why couldn't Jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

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What do you call something green and fuzzy? Grass, I lied about the fuziness.

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Knock knock! Just kidding.

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why couldnt hellen keller drive a car? because she was a woman

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Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.

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Ed Milliband knows what's best for the UK.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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What is black white and red all over A tree in black, white, and red paint.

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What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Did you know that Claire Seiter likes to drinkapplseiter? No. Oh well she does..

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Man walks into an apple store. Shortly after he leaves with a fully charged phone.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The question just posed is unanswerable, as in order to state the reasoning for the chicken crossing the road, one would have to assume the a chicken has a concept of 'road'. As the chicken is an avant, we can safely say that it has no need of pavements/ sidewalks or roads. As a result, it cannot possibly have an incentive for doing so. Consider the following hypothetical analogy: you are walking in a forest, and you unknowingly cross another animals scent trail. You cannot possibly say WHY you walked across the scent trail, as you didn't know it was there. You can state your reasoning for walking in the first place, but not for crossing that specific scent trail. In conclusion, this question is unanswerable, due to the chicken's lack of knowledge about roads.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops