How do you kill a vampire? Because vampires are figments of society's imagination and actuall living creatures, this task is impossible.

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Roses are rose, violets are violet, that's just a fact, I've got aspergers.

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why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Cause violence is against the law

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Doctor Doctor, I keep getting horrible boils all over my face! Okay then. Take off your underwear and we'll see what's going on.

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What is brown and sticky? Maple Syrup.

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Why was the old lady sad? Her husband was raped by an angry gallon of milk.

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Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

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Why did Gavin kill Harley. Because his voices told him to.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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The chicks at the bar last night were do hot. The girls weren't half bad either

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Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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roses are red violets are blue i bribed a hobo to eat my poopoo

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a tiger swims into the indian ocen and eats a tuna. the tiger shortly dies

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The Lord told Moses to come forth. He tripped and came fifth.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why did the gay kid drop his ice cream Because he got punched in the face.

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you give like i give lomain

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How do you make a man cry? you torture him

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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You: "Ask me if im an astronaut. " Them: "R u an astronaut?" You: "No. "

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What has 4 legs and doesn't move? A child born in Chernobyl.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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why did the boy eat his lunch money? it was his lunch!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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