Where did the paralytic go for a vacation? No where he can't move.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer pressure _._._

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What did the Dark Knight say to the Policeman? I'm Batman

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are red. Violets are blue. At least that's what I've heard, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did Kurt Cobain commit suicide? Because it was drug related

thumb_up thumb_down +39

You know what rhymes with sloth? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says "I have colon cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's long, brown, and in the toilet? The chocolate bar I just threw in the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin? Finding one is missing.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

If you watch the titanic backwards, its really about a magical ship which saves peoples lives!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +35

If I had a penny for every time I said the word "the" I would have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you stop a plane? Land it.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What did the Catholic Priest say to the Altar Boy shortly after sex? Nothing. The feelings of shame and revulsion the priest felt about what he had just done meant he couldn't look him in the eye let alone talk to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's better than having sex ? Having sex and being rich.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Once upon a time there was a tree. But it was just a tree, so it sat there. Then it didn't rain for a while, so the tree died. And nothing ever grew there again. The End

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call an giraffe? Well, you should probably call it a giraffe if you want people to think you are literate and know your grammar.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

We can consider a wind turbine as a great ventilator that produces heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops