A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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What has 156 bras and 927 pairs of underwear? Someone without a washing machine.

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Q: What did the boy say to the girl? A: Wanna go to homecoming?

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms Why couldnt he get up? He had no legs What did the boy get for Christmas? Cancer What did the boy get for Easter? A funeral Knock, knock Who's there? Not the boy.

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You: Want to hear a joke? Person: Yeah You: Me too

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why do elephants eat peanuts? so they can save the wrappers for valuble prizes.

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Presents.

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So there's a monkey in a bar. I forgot the rest of the joke but your moms a whore

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An iman, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. It's not the same bar. They feel uncomfortable mixing together and this makes me sad.

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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What's the difference between Santa and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney.

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What is holocaust victim's favorite food? Hamburgers.

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Ya Mums so fat when she stood on the scales it came up with my phone number

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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What did the Mexican man say to the black man? Hello, how are you today?

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The sun is bright.

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whats red and and has 202 legs? an ostrich, ok i lied about 200 legs and the red part

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? Dance Dance Revolution

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- (commits suicide)

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Why did Jimmy not go to school? Because Jimmy, along with his family, were killed in a horrible house fire. Knock Knock? Who's there? Not Jimmy...

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Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. and then he died.

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What is the similarity between fake rings and your mother? They change colors in the shower

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If you put two black men in an empty room, what will they do? They will most likely try to figure out why they have been put in such a confusing scenario. Then one of the black men will suggest the possibility that maybe they are being used as a subject of a joke. The other black man agrees then they both hang themselves since they have no other purpose in life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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