What shoots rockets but is not classed as a deadly weapon? A toy rocket launcher, I lied about the rockets.

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A man walks into a bar. Suddenly, he is filled with a strange feeling, as if his life is somehow the subject of a stupid joke. He walks back out of the bar and consults a psychiatrist.

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why did the chicken cross the road? the sudden lack of sidewalk dictated as such.

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I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

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Q: A football coach walks into a bank. Why? A: Because one of his players is suffering from terminal cancer and he needs governmental funding for the team to play the big game against their rivals and to win, in hopes the kid will recover. Q: Why did the football coach go into the bank again? A: To receive more money to find a new running back.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender lights him on fire.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a prison. A gang stopped them, and said: Hey, want to play a game? Before they could run away, the gang leader told them the rules. You go over there and stand by the wall. You close your eyes, and then we fire a shotgun in your direction. The last one alive wins. They push the brunette onto the wall. She closes her eyes because she knows she's about to die and doesn't want her friends to see her crying. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. They decide it's the redhead's turn next. They move her onto the wall. Being the brightest one in the bunch, she tries to keep her eyes open. However, she blinks. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. Then the blonde bursts out laughing. "Your friends are dead. And you're about to die. Do you find that funny?" They ask. She answers. "No. It's just- I won the game!"

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How many spots does a giraffe have? Depends on the giraffe.

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whats black? the colour

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You walk by a boy and see he is playing with poop. You ask the boy what are you doing? He says I'm building a office. You ask him why he says "because I don't have shit to make a building"

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why do black people like watermellon? becasue it is a delicious red fruit at a wonderful price

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Nathaniel Nugnes walks into a bra

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knock knock... ...no answer

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Stephen Hawkings may know everything about the universe, but try to get him to tie his shoes.

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Some Minions have one eye, others have two. And nobody seems to care.

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I completely thought you where bullshitting me, how come I never noticed before? How and why?

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what did the banana say to the orange? nothing because a banana is a fruit

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Penis

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Three men walk into a bar, the bartender asks why are you three men in here? The men look confused and suddenly leave

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dont be afraid of lard squeezing cause really its just me teasing

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a would chuck could chuck wood? Home depot

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How do black people vote? They go to their polling place, register, then vote for their candidate on election day.

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What's worse then 10 babies nailed to 10 trees? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops