The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

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knock knock who's there? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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I saw 2 jews talking. I threw in a penny and watched them fight to the death. I did the same with 2 catholic preasts exept I threw in a baby boy

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Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

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A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He tripped over the little step at the entrance. But don't worry, he's not hurt, it just startled him for a second there. They should put a caution sign out front, somebody might get a serious injury. You can never be too safe, after all.

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Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? a bench is a structure designed for sitting and a Mexican is a person born in Mexico.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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Have you seen that ad about starving children in Africa? It was pretty gay

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Jason. Jason who? The person who is answering the door hears a chainsaw start up and suddenly realizes that Jason is the murderer from Friday the Thirteenth. The person goes and gets their shotgun, ready to blast Jason's head of when he breaks in.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my dinner??? Nothing...

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hey i jut met u, and i have alzeihmer, cheese and toast

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

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What is the difference between Chuck Norris and a frog one wears pants and the Chuck Norris doesn't.

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You know, people are kind of like trees, they tend to fall over when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

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This is a haiku. Not a very good haiku, But still a haiku.

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black people

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What happened to the man who grew into the couch? He was surgically removed and forced to exercise daily. He is feeling much better now.

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What did the old man say after he fell down? nothing.

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Me:Oh wait, I got a joke! Friends:Oh boy, what is it? Tell us! Me:..my grandma died.. *Everyones silent* Some random guy:Oh haha, I get it! Me:Shut up, you have no friends. Some random guy: Oh........

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Knock knock Who's there? A fireman. You're house burned down.

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Why did Emily fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Emily.

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Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops