A blind man walks into a bar. The next day he goes out and buys a new seeing eye dog.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Someone told me once, but i had terrible memory so I had them tell me again.

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What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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What's big and black? An ant i lied about in being big

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Jon walked into a bar. Ouch.

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Probably 5

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If quizzes are quizical, what are tests? Testicals

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A blonde walks into a bar ouch

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Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

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What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

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what did the gay man say to the pole? May i have this dance

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Why couldn't the melons get married? As gay cantaloupes, their jurisdiction didn't allow for same-sex marriage.

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Q: What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage. But I don't have a pile of dead babies either. So, yeah.

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What's the difference between and Jew and a boy scout? The boy scout returned from camp.

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What did the elephant say to the other elephant? Nothing. -Albert Einstein... LOL JOKES my name is PJ.

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Why cant Helen Keller driver? She's a woman

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What is the best part about having sex with tweny-six year olds. There are twenty of them. ap~pac

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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how do you stop a black man from drowning take your foot off his head

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Why did Steve Jobs die? Because he had cancer

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia So do I

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Cosmopolitan magazine releases an issue without any sex tips.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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