Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because he was looking for other chickens because he has no friends and he got bullied when he was in 12th grade. He got picked on because he was sledding down his hill in his backyard and he accidentally scraped one side of his face on ice and started bleeding. The next day his classmates started calling him two face.

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Why did the platypus have no friends? Platipi are antisocial creatures by nature.

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A man is walking down the street in Chicago. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks him, "Excuse me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?", at which the man on the street said, "Go straight here, turn onto Birch, follow that to the second stop light, then turn left on Main, big complex, can't miss it." "Thank you!"

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Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a hammer. The other is a watermelon.

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What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

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There was once a boy who ate fire. He died of severe burns.

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Why did the door close on little Timmy? He was getting gang raped.

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What do you get when you cross a hamster with a zebra? A genetic abomination that you should put out of it's misery.

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I woke up in bed with someone this morning. I forget why this is a joke, but your mother is a whore.

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poop.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? She didn't, her father named the dog because he was aware of his daughters innability to speak.

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What's the difference between Santa and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney.

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Shakespeare walks into a bar, Having just seen someone that has been dead for over 400 years, the young man in the corner quits his drug addiction; it was clearly messing with his brain.

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like if u think princess kenny is the fairest maiden in all the land. if u dont, disregard this message.

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Why did the monkey cross the road? Because he saw the chicken do it.

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If a man is called a manly man, what is a dude called? A dudely dude.

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Pokemon are fictional, therefore Pikachu is fictional, meaning he would never be at a bus station in the real world at all.

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why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

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Where do you find a dead hooker? where you left her.

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What do you call a bright orange fish? A gold fish.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar and have a friendly argument over their religious beliefs.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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"Jim would you like to share what you've written?" says rehab counselor "Roses are red, Violets are blue, Heroin is bad, I see sound."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops