What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey...I forget the rest but your mother is a hor.

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What did the previously pregnant teen flush down the toilet? Her beloved pet goldfish who recently died. She had already given birth to a healthy baby the previous year.

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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Richard Nixon walks into a bar. Everyone is thrilled to meet a former President of the United States who returned from the grave.

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A black man walks in to a 7 Eleven with a gun in his left pocket. He innocently walks over to the place where they keep all the hostess treats, and decides to purchase a pack of crumb donuts. The gun was purely for self defense, it was a bad neighborhood.

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I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

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What do you get when two chickens cross a road? -Salmonella stricken hobos

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What's worse than having a gay friend? 9/11.

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Why do Mexican's wear pointy shoes? Because its part of their culture and is used as a sign of dignity when dancing to tribal music

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"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

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A black man a mexican and a caucasian were walking together. The black man and the mexican walked into a bar. The caucasian ducked. Not because his race makes him smarter in anyway, but because his friends shouted out a warning to him. All three then proceeded to the nearest pub.

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(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

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What did a man say to the woman with two black eyes? "Are you okay? Here, let me take you to the hospital." The woman is now healing nicely.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he had legs.

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How do you drown a dumb blonde? Hold her underwater.

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Why did the housewife become a farmer? Because the kitchen was burned down in a horrific accident.

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What was the only thing the little boy from tanzania had? AIDS.

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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Facilitator huh? Sounds like someone that kills someone standing in the way, or bribes off others.

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Whats the same about a jew and firewood? They both burn.

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What would Walt Disney do if he were alive today? Gurgle and choke inside his cryogenic vault as liquid nitrogen flooded into his lungs.

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How to smash an apple Iphone <<<<<< Use A Hammer >>>>>>> PS : if u want to break a hammer use an iphone

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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