A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

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I've got the whole world! In my hands! I've got the whole world! In my hands! I've got the whole world! In my hands! Now you must listen to all of my demands or I will crush you all.

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What do you get when you mix Lil Wayne and Lil John? A full size John Wayne

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A man was driving in his BMW one day when a mini passed him out on the fast lane. The BMW driver thought 'i can't have that!' so he sped up and overtook the mini. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and he drove into the back of a school bus. Ironically the bus contained the mini driver's 3 daughters, he was driving so fast because they had forgotten to bring their lunch and he was trying to catch up with the bus so he could give them their sandwiches. There were no survivors of the crash, except for the mini driver.

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"Where's your mom?' "She died last night. . ."

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Two cows are standing on the top of North Pole and in a half-inch wind they're spanking a bottle of coconut jam. Suddenly two infrared gallopping fly past them. What's the consequence? That people shouldn't use freshly peeled lemoncakes on underwater cornfields.

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Q: What do you brush your teeth with, sit on and sleep in? A: A toothbrush, a chair and a bed

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i feel like when the radish was discovered someone was like "hey lets call it rad!" and another guy was like "lets dial it down a bit"

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What's the difference between a horse and a unicorn? Horses are real.

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why did jimmy loose the bike race. because he never entered.

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Why does ISIS want guns? Because they wanted to kill. Duh.

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Who is a pussy ass bitch and is and has a chode? - Jeff Misner

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why do you throw the baby up the tree??. to get my ball back.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll it be?" The horse never replied.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke....? A pig rolling in mud!

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You know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Because you touch yourself.

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Question: What do you call the black guy wearing a white shirt? Answer: Steve. His parents game him the name at birth, and he is called that ever since.

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Life's like a box of chocolates it's shit if you have diabetes

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Why did the boy collect poop? Because it was it was his dogs shit.

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Your mom is so dumb that all of society says she was poorly educated.

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A guy named M.C. walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "wheres the food?" The bartender says, " its in your stomach."

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why did the geman man hit the jewish man? because the jewish man swung a punch at the german man so it was an act of self defense.

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This is the same thing you told me once, believe me, it helps holding into it.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. They have been planning a girls night out for weeks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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