Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

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When I meet the woman of my dreams, she wont know what hit her... Nor will the police.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Daddy drinks, Because you cry.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

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How do you make a great cake? Bett Crocker books

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What did the korean say to the other korean. I don't know i dont speak korean.

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Why so serious ?

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What do kittens and napkins have in common? You can sneeze into both of them except the kitten doesn't like it

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Your so gay, that you like men!

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Why is an elephant big, gray and lumpy? Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Asprin.

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European on my shoes, buddy.

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Why was Jimmy sad he couldn't play the Playstation? He didnt have one

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it ain't easy being cheesy Max Harrison

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What do skeet disks and Jewish babies have in common? Hitler used to shoot them out of the sky.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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Why did spock look in the toilet he was concerned with his poop

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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whats worse than bitting into ur apple and finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just murded noddy and his family who were making a nice little home in there

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¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _________________________________________ That's a road. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot that made this joke, me. And what did the idiot do? He ate it with barley. There was food poisoning. Where did the idiot's vomit go? In yo poo.

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Remember those days where we planned what to do with our lives instead of wondering what things lied ahead? Those where the days, it does not matter if we are relics, heroes, or villains today. Back then, we did not seek to discover our future, we sought to create it, back then our people did not pray for a better day, but worked for it. And love and kindness was not something only found in heaven, but what we shared in what was the closest thing, to heaven on earth. Tell me the truth, are there many like us left in this world?

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

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What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The holoca- *the man hearing the joke then pulls out a desert eagle and shoots the man in the chest before finishing the joke then goes to jail for the rest of his life*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops