What did Batman Tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

I can't see my forehead

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Jeff was a very hard working accountant, after a very long day he drove to burger king, he looked up at the menu and said to the lady. I'll have a burger please.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

How do you kill a clown shoot it in the face

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He was buried under 6ft of solid earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

why did the goose lay an egg? because it was pregnant .

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the boy with no legs and no arms get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What does a car and a t-shirt have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, in fact, the "road" in this joke symbolizes the Mexican/American border. The chicken's real name is Esteban Jimenez and he crossed the "road" to reach his family on the other side so he can start his life over. In addition to this, Esteban's real dream was to establish a 401k and possibly go to law school so he could begin his own law firm.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Take my wife. . . . to the hospital. She is dying from a gunshot wound to the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is bad at catch The twin towers

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what did the orphan get for Christmas? a family

thumb_up thumb_down +26

The.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock Knock Come in Thank you very much. Don't mention it. Would you like a home made spinach roll?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What was Michael Jackson doing at the Dermatologist's office? He was getting a mole on his back examined to be sure it wasn't cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you make someone to go away from you? You rap3 them How do you get santa to not give you presents anymore? You rap3 him How do you get the easter bunny to stop coming to your house? Friend: you rap3 him? No, you ask him politly to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the boy get hit by a car? Because he didn't look both ways

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Due to Helen Keller's disabilities she wasn't able to own an animal. If she did have a dog, it would be named spot because that was a popular pet name in that period of time.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q:How do you make an accountant cry ? A: You kill his whole family

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock! Whose there? ... The person who was knocking suffered a fatal shot to the back of the head by a drive by shooter, if the person at the door had just opened it, instead whose there? (...which no one does anyways...) The knocker may have survived. He had a wife and 5 kids, 3 Grandkids.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A guy who's father of eight children, married to a wonderful woman for fifty years, he likes pizza and spaghetti, he smokes cigars occasionally, he also exercises : He runs around the block every other day. He's the manager of a pizza shop and he's living in a two-floor house he calls his home... Nothing really funny happens to this guy, but that's got to be the most detailed character background in a joke ever.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops