Where do cows go on the weekends? The slaughterhouse.

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Parents were talking about a particular whore house and tries to keep it secret to their son. Father: Bob and I saw the house near the river, its a whore house full of prostitutes. Mother: Shhh! Our son is listening. The Son enters the room. Son: Don't mind me, I know that area. Both parents were angry: So you've been there!? Don't deny, you know! Son: Just because I know doesn't mean I've been there. I know the moon has less gravity but I haven't been there.

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What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? Because he was to fat. Why did the snake fall out of the tree? I don't know everything, Bitch!

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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Who's the best German Chef? Hitler

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Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

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What do you get when you mix monster, coke, and and seltzer? Kicked out of stop and shop.

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What's worse than tornadoes in the USA? Earthquakes in Japan.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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Why did the the chicken cross the road? So he wouldn't be late for his annual check up at the clinic across the street.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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how come timmy didnt brush his teeth he didnt have a toothbrush

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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knock knock whos there? andy andy who? andy gold hi come in

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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