why were maddie and maddy and rachel and jill all friends? we all enjoy pizza

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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What did one apple say to the other???? Well, since they are fruits, and not people, they were unable to talk...

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"MR PLATT!!!!!!" "Yeah?" "Telephone for you sir." "Oh, cheers Tony."

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Boom! Splat! You'll never know.

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what taste like an apple, looks like an apple, but isnt an apple? an apple.

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What did one elephant say to the other elephant? Nothing. Elephants don't talk.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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My favorite part of the movie Frozen is when the parents die.

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There is a bus full of puppies and babies with a plane flying above it carrying 2 tons of explosives. The Bus arrives safely at its destination.

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Why did the friendly not play outside? Because they were dead. Just like your dreams.

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If the black man lives in the black house, and the yellow man lives in the yellow house, who lives in the white house? The white man. As unfortunate as it is, racism is still a very integral part of society, and the social dominance the white man holds in countries like America are not to be so quickly forgotten.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Its very nice.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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knock, knock! who's there? i don't know i don't know who niether do i...

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Awesome! I've just received my giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us << Awesome! I've just received my giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us << Awesome! I've just received my giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <<

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Knock knock. Who's there? It's me. Oh, come on in. Thanks.

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Yo mama so fat and ugly, I don't want to tell you how fat and ugly she is for fear of vomiting.

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What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

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What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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