A man walks into a bar and says "ow"; he stepped on a nail sticking up through one of the floorboards. He then sues the bartender for a large sum of money because of the injury he sustained, and causes the bartender to lose everything he owns in order to pay off his debt.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What happens when you run out of butter You ask antonio

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So a woman took her drivers test today Since she passed, and tomorrow is her 16th birthday, tomorrow she will have the legal privlage to get her license.

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if you have 2 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 4 oranges and 1 apple in the other, what do you have? very large hands.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had Alzheimers and forgot that he lived on the other side of the street.

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Why did the man smell like french toast? His wife previously made him a plate of it that he ate before walking out of the house.

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What do a woman and a puzzle have in common? Both couldn't vote before 1920... the puzzles still can't vote

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How do you survive the end of the world? You can't- everyone will die!

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Where is Tampa Bay, Florida?

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Why did the boy Drop his Ice Cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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what is pink and shaped like a banana? A pink banana.

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your mom is so fat that she had to start going to a gym to exercise and get her weight under control.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She was a woman

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When life throws knives at you, run away.

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An African American and an hispanic man are in a car, who's driving? No one, they are having sex

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You know you guys are suppose to post jokes, not basketball comments.

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A circus clown climbs to the top of a five-storey ladder and dives into a foot-deep pool of water below. His neck is broken on impact. RIP Chuckles.

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roses are blue violets are blue everything is blue I'm sad now

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What is the name of the car? What

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Your momma so fat when she went to the beach she was to self concious and left her shirt on.

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Yo momma stank so bad, she might have a serious vaginal infection. You should take her to the hospital.

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Q. Why did the fence break? A. Too many mexicans were climbing it.

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STFU Stop Tickling Fuzzy Unicorns they really don't like it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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