Guess what day it is!!! Sunday? Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? Saturday? IT'S HUMPDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What did the pear say to the apple? Fred, you delusions are getting worse and i'm getting a divorce.

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What did the sad man say to the happy man? He didn't say anything he was so sad he killed himself.

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Boy: what to hear a joke? girl: sure. Boy: woman rights.

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everyone wonders y grandmas dont wear bra's its because if youre that old u might die putting it on

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Your legs are more open than my back door! Which is closed.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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I hate Mondays, the man said as he drove to work. Fortunately for him, it was a Wednesday.

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Knock knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Mike Davis from across the street. Come in.

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What do you call a girl with ADD and too much free time? Me

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theres no 'I' in 'team' but theres an 'I' in 'hitler'

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A Muslim walks into a bar No-one survives the blast

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Whats black, white, and Asian all at the same time? A panda

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Q: What's white and sticky? A: Glue.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? To get to the other side!

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What is funny about a cod swimming around alone in the ocean? Nothing, over-fishing is a huge problem in the modern day.

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What do you call a black man doing his taxes? A well respected member of society

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Why did the boy Drop his Ice Cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

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What size pants did the gorilla wear? An abnormaly large pair compared to the average human because their weight and width are porportionaly larger for their speices.

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why did the boy fall back wards? he was shot dead

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What did one teacher say to the other teacher? We're both under-payed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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