Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am colorblind because Iam a dog.

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Did you hear about the kid from Oklahoma? No. Yeah, he died.

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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The stone said to tree I wanna be car the tree replied you cant be a car. Forever a stone

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what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

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Your mom is not fat!

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Q: What's worse than one dead baby at the bottom of a trash can? A: One dead baby in ten trash cans.

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What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

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Is Mike here? Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Yes teacher, he is home sick with the flu.

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Not Ann Frank because she died in the Holocaust along with 6 million other innocent people.

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A lion and a cheetah raced each other and the cheetah won Lion: "man you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "no you're lion!" Then the cheetah tears off the lions head and feeds it to their babies

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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Have you seen Helen Keller's new car? Neither has Stevie Wonder.

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Yo mama so dirty when she takes baths there are rings.

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How do you make Adolf Hitler angry? You can't, dead people are not sentient, and hence cannot feel anger.

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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A black man and a Mexican man are both in a car. Who's driving? The white man who is also in the car with them.

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Why did they bury the fireman on the east side of the green grassy hill, to the left of the old well, underneath the huge apple tree? Because he was dead.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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Why are female badgers more attracted to the smell of cheese than male badgers? I don't know. Ask Bill Snodgrass

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What is worse than braking a fingernail, Learing that a clown raped your entire family

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What did little boy with no arms and no legs get for chrismas: a bike

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You are driving a canoe home when the wheels suddenly fall off. How many pancakes does it take to fill a doghouse?

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why is the earth mad at the moon? cause the moon mooned the earth

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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