If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

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A zebra walks into bar, the surrounding customers in the bar become very intrigued why this exotic creature has wandered from Africa into New york. Before they can come to a concluson animal control opens fire on the creature, splatering its organs onto the tables. This event ruined the night for most customers and they fileout of the bar calmly but sad

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Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

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What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

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What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a kangaroo? An irrelevant punchline.

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Guy: Roses are red, violets are blue, you're beautiful and sexy too. Girl: Roses are red violets are blue, how many girls have you told that to? Guy:... Girl: Exactly.

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Knock Kock Who's there Boo Boo Who? Boo Radley is a fictional character in the novel To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Don't cry.

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Yo mama so short, she developed a debilitating neck problem from having to look up at people when talking to them.

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If dogs hate cats and cats hate mice, than what do mice hate? Themselves.

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How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet first, so you can see its expression. How do you get a baby out of a blender? With chips.

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What time is it when an elephant jumps over your fence? Actually, elephants don't jump.

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What do you call a black person pimping out his bitches? a dog breeder.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Just kidding, he didn't cross the road, he had no legs.

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Guest-knock knock (silence) Guest-hello is anyone there? no go away Guest-looks like there is no one here lets leave

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Why did Elmo get depressed? All his friends sacrifised themselves to satan

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What did the lady with Alzheimer's do yesterday She can't remember

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how do u wake kesha up? Answer:set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

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there were 2 black men and a mexican man in a car. who as driving? we cant tell from the problem but is is more likely it is a black guy because there are 2 of him and 1 mexican.

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What did the homeless man's sign say? It didn't say anything. You had to read it.

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Why do we park in driveways and drive in parkways? Good question.

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A horse walks into a bar, Bartender says why the long face? and the horse says, i have horse aids

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I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops