What's worse than biting into a worm in your apple? Being run over by a stampede of elephants

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Q. What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A. An horse.

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what do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheel barrow? Arrested as a wheelbarrow is not a motorised vehicle, or even a vehicle at all and therefore it is an offence to cross the motorway with it, actually it is probably an offence to cross a motorway with anything now that I come to think of it

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a man walks into a house... then realizes its not his house and leaves.

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What did the person say to the other person? "Hello."

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Q: Why was the teacher sad? A: Because she got fired

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What's black and white and red all over? A bloody fight between a black and a white man.

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Why do teens say "dude?" They feel unloved at home and must know that they posses a strong relationship with their peers, and in fact, cannot maintain a proper friendship due to the four letter word known as "dude."

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Wha....You probably shouldnt read the rest of this because i lie a lot (This joke deserves lots of thumbs and comments!)

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What do you call a terrorist on 9/11? A terrorist.

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did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? one was raped.

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What did Billy say to Timmy? Timmy! I'm so sorry. *Sniffles* I didn't mean to throw the fork that hard. Rest in peace Timmy...

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A guy with a severe attention deficit walks into a bar and... oh, look, the sky is pretty... wait, what was I saying ?

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Me: Hey mom Mom: Hey Son Me: Whats? for dinner? Mom: I dont know

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"DUDE! THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR LEG!" "SERIOUSLY!"

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how do you get 20 people in a mini? open the door would be a good start but i dont think they will all fit.

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There are two eggs sitting in a carton in the refrigerator. The first egg says, "Sure is cold in here, eh?" The second egg replies, "Holy crap! A talking egg!"

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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How do you confuse and anger a blonde? Kill her family and loved ones and say you did it because potato.

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What happens when a leprechaun refuses to give you his pot of gold? He doesn't give you his gold.

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While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick... Jack didn't make it over the candle stick and died.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist bastard..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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